domenica 26 agosto 2012

Burlesque outfit

Yesterday night I decided to go Burlesque.
I'm really into burlesque style, except the stripping and the showing my boobs bit :D I mean the tutus and the vertical striped tights and the gloves and the corsets and... ok, everything. I like it very much.
I had to go to a gay friendly event; it takes place in the summer and lasts two months, and there are two dance floors (one on the outside, one on the inside), countless bars, restaurants, shops (there's a lovely vintage shop too <3), info zone, a place where you can put a sign for gay unions (in my country they still don't want gay people to marry, which is why I'm going to leave soon, unless they turn it into a civilized country in one year time), et cetera.
Being a gay friendly event, of course there are a lot of drag queens and dancers who dress in the most bizarre ways, which is great. People used to show off their best outfits in this place: I once met a group of kids who came there in their underwear. Seriously. One of them was just wearing a pvc thong and a pvc vest. (And shoes. And a lot of make-up). What I'm trying to say is that you could wear ANYTHING you wanted and nobody would ever have bothered you, ever (especially if you were a girl among a bunch of gay guys :D).
This is why I've always loved to go to that place: I can dance by myself in the dance floor without guys hitting on me or, worse, dancing behind me and rubbing themselves against my butt.
This year, though, lots of heterosexual people have come to this event. Which means that the outfits have suddenly toned down, and that you can't just go and dance with your girl friends: now there are the het guys on the sides of the dance floors looking at you dancing. God I hate that. You know, that way they look at girls, with their cheeky grins, arms crossed, nodding and staring at every part of your body. Not at all embarrassing, huh?

(Sorry about the quality, next thing I do will be buying a new camera -_-)

This is what I was wearing (except for the shoes, I was actually wearing my Bordellos) while I was going into the inside dance floor and a jerk came to me, grabbed my hips, held me against his pelvis (all against my will, of course) and, staring at my boobs, told me "What a nice dress" in that horrible lustful way (he clearly wasn't talking about my dress, which was a corset + tutu btw, you idiot).
I pushed him and told him something along the lines of "Fuck off, you asshole" (I'm probably quoting literally); he didn't apologize, of course, but what astonished me was that the moment I pushed him he was already turning around and going away; he didn't even listen to my insults. In his mind, I wasn't even worth that time: I didn't want any, so onto the next, as quickly as possible, without wasting time on what the girl he had just harassed had to say.
What does my outfit have to do with that? Nothing, imho. He would probably have harassed me even if I was in a t-shirt and jeans. I'm sure they don't seriously think we're "easier" for wearing corsets and heels and fishnet gloves; who would I try to seduce in a place that's full of gay guys, in front of my boyfriend on top of that?
Here's what they think: they know that if you're dressing, as they like to define us, "provocatively" (and I'm really curious to know who would I want to "provoke", again, among gay guys and in front of my boyfriend), people aren't going to reproach them for their behaviour because "with that outfit, she was obviously asking for it".
I won't mention the countless stares, which I had never gotten until het guys came here and made the place theirs; I'll just mention the one I came across after being harassed, when I was so angry that I actually responded him the way I would like to respond every time a man stares at my ass and boobs on the street, but I don't because when it happens I'm alone (they always wait for you to be alone, of course) and I'm afraid they're even going to hurt me: I said "Look somewhere else, thank you" in a very annoyed way. He gave me the "wtf is wrong with you bitch" look, as if I'd jumped at his throat for absolutely nothing (the look they always give you when you protest against their stares) and I gave him my "AM I CLEAR...?" look, and that was it (a friend of mine said he was still staring at me minutes later, though, but at least he wasn't doing it blatantly).
What happened made me very angry. I'm so sick and tired of this attitude. Is there any place safe from harassment? And the worst thing is that there are people, even women!!, who go "ok but look a your outfit, I mean, you should know you're going to get stares, if you put it on anyways it means you want them / you shouldn't be bothered because you know that is going to happen".
Once and for all: WOMEN SHOULD DRESS HOWEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT AND NOT BE HARASSED OR STARED AT ON THE STREET OR WHATEVER PLACE. The first thing your parents teach you when you're a little child is "you don't have to stare at strangers, that's not polite" so why isn't this still valid when you are a grown-up and you're supposed to have learnt how to behave yourself?
I'm never going to take the blame for the harassment I get, NEVER. And I wish that guy bangs his little toe on the corner of every door on earth forever.
... no, ok, I don't want to be polite or peaceful, I'm really pissed off. I hope someone breaks his wrists and every single one of his fingers, and then we'll see how many girls he can grab as if they were his property.

17 commenti:

  1. I'm really sorry for you that you had to experience this kind of behaviour. You are absolutely right in your statement that women should wear whatever they want without being approached and treated lik meat.

    I've kicked two guys in the crotch who tried to grope me. I'm not suffering this treatment quietly. I'm being loud and ask them whether they would like to be approached like that. Sometimes I wish to just grab their balls and ask them if this is really what they want.

    Screw this culture for playing down sexual harrasment and blaming women if men cannot keep their hands by themselves! Sorry for the rant...

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. Don't worry, that wasn't a rant, this is legitimate exasperation and I totally agree with you. You see, I'd like to be able to hurt people who harass me, but then I'm afraid they would hurt me back: there were three guys with him, all very tall and strong, and probably as stupid as he was; God knows what they're capable of doing (and I most certainly can't handle all the four of them)!
      This is what bothers me the most: I can't give them the right comeback because I might be beaten or something, and the worst thing is that they know it and that apparently gives them the right to do whatever the want :/

      Elimina
  2. Your outfit is amazing! I know what you mean about the men. A friend of a friend once complained about the same thing. She went to a gay club and all these men used to come and sleaze on her, and she wasn't there to hook up or she would have gone to another club!

    there has been a lot of this stuff recently in the blogworld, girls complaining that men treat them in this way, even walking down the street. A lot of these girls don't even wear things you would consider revealing or sexy. It really feels like there is a need for an attitude change! Do you have the slutwalk protest where you live? that is about how how a woman dresses shouldn't change how you treat her.

    I get really annoyed when people assume I am dressing for them or male attention or whatever. I like frilly skirts because I am a runaway circus freak, not cause I want you to want me!

    And saying it's ok to stare at people like that because of what they wear, it;s not ok. We shouldn't have to feel unsafe expressing ourselves. People wouldn't tell a person it was ok for people to stare at them because of their race, for instance. why is this different? It is who we are!

    Sometimes when people are really rude to me I do that secret little pointing your fingers at them and cursing them thing. No idea if it works, but it;s the thought that counts :P

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. Thank you for the compliments of my outfit <3 I won't let that idiot take the pleasure of wearing a good burlesque outfit out of me!
      Yes, that is true, street harassment is an issue and it was about time people started talking about it. It happens to me all the time, it's really getting on my nerves, I've reached the point where I put on baggy pants and large t-shirts when I go out of my house on the hope that they'll stop staring/whistling/commenting. Walking alone on the street has become some sort of a nightmare, especially in the summer.
      Unfortunately, no, we don't have slut walks in Italy; I know what they are because I read about them in newspapers, but no, my country isn't ready for this, which is so sad because I'd join one in a heartbeat.
      I agree with all you said about dressing in a certain way because those are our tastes in clothing, and it's not like we're trying to get attention (otherwise why would we complain...?). When they tell you "you should have thought about the stares you were going to get!" it feels like they want you to be "punished" in some way, because you "dared".
      Ahah, that's something I do too when some guy really annoys me, they have no idea what I'm calling them in a low voice :D

      Elimina
  3. Bah..so typical.
    Last time I was on a rockcruise I was wearing a corset and a PVC-skirt and I cant count how many hands I got stuck up unde my skirt :< it's so sad that they think they can do stuff like that. And scary as well!
    I dont dress for men to think I'm pretty, I dress for myself!
    And I love your outfit! The corset is so lovely and looks comfortable too :D

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. Hands under your skirt?! That's horrible! They should be reported to the police, this is sexual harassment. No wonder you were scared! I hope you stomped on their feet with some really high stilettos!
      Thank you for the compliments <3 yes, the corset is really comfortable *_* it's too bad you can't see the details because it's a gorgeous item of clothing!

      Elimina
  4. I was also thinking today when I was in an evil mood that you should get some spiky rings and if anyone does that again, punch them in the balls :P

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. That's a good idea... I used to hurt people by mistake with my studded bracelets all the time when I was a metalhead in high school, now it's come the time to do it on purpose :P! (And not on innocent classmates...!)

      Elimina
  5. I love your outfit, especially your tights :D

    And unfortunatly I know what you mean about thoses stupid men. It's the same here. I think it's common to most of latin countries, because it never happened in the UK nor in Germany (that's part of why i love those countries so much). It's so fucking annoying. Can't they understand that we're not wearing dresses for them but for us ? Damn douchebags.
    Oh, here here, gay people can't marry either... We have a new government, so maybe next spring, it'll be possible...

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. Thank you! I love those tights too, unfortunately they have a hole near to the ankle (that's why I've never worn them for a long time) but somehow I managed to hide it :D
      You're right about UK and Germany, I went to both countries and no one ever bothered me. Well, when I went to Berlin I was with my boyfriend, and they usually don't harass you when they see your male owner (-__-) but saturday night I was with him and that didn't stop the jerk, so... but when I went to London I was with some girlfriends and we were free to hang around at night and nobody even dared to make eye contact. That's the perfect place to live in. (And this is actually where I'm going to move in a year time :D).
      Really, gay people can't marry in France? I thought they could. You know, some gay friends of mine went to France several times in these last years and they said it's a whole other thing, no one stares or judges or insults you. One of my friends stayed in Brest for a year and told me life is a lot easier for gay guys, like, nobody gets offended if a guy hits on them. I hope this openmindness (I hate terms like "openmindness", "tolerance" or "acceptance" but I wouldn't know what else to call it) reaches institutions and people can get their legitimate rights.

      Elimina
  6. I have to admit I also thought about moving to london. For a lot of reason, but the freedom you have there was part of it. You can dress as short as you want, you can be tatooed, blue-haired and still be, for exemple, receptionnist in an hostel (that's impossible here). I love this freedom so much. But I finally got a job here, so, I'm staying for the moment XD.

    For gay people, we have the "PACS" : pacte civil de solidarité. It's an engagement, it's legally recognized, but it's a piece of paper signed in 5 minutes at a tribunal, so, not that comparable to a marriage... And you don't have the same rights , especially when one of the two dies :(.

    But, yeah, people are more and more open-minded about it, even in the countryside. Right know 60% of the french are favorable to gay marriage, so it shouldn't take long before the legalisation.

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. What you said about London is so true, and Berlin's even better from that point of view: I've never seen so much goth/punk/alternative/tattooed and pierced people in my life, not even in Camden Town :D! I remember a guy at the airport, he was a waiter in Starbucks or something, he had a *huge* earlobe stretching, like I don't know, a 5 cm diameter? Here he couldn't even find a job as a street cleaner, let alone letting him work in a place where people come from all over the world.
      Oh, yes, PACS, there was some debate here about doing the same thing, but here even politicians from the left wing fight against lgbt rights. And in the event I was talking about in this entry you could put a sign for gay unions, but I won't do it because there is an institutions for people who are in love and want to live together, that's marriage and that's what they deserve to get. Why should their unions be named any differently?

      Elimina
  7. That sounds extremely unfun. Guys like that are jackasses who totally deserve finger breaking.

    RispondiElimina
  8. Sorry about the shitty night! <3

    I love your outfit though. It's gorgeous :)
    I tagged you in my Obituary Challenge xx

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. Aw, thank you <3 (for both the compliment and the tag XD)

      Elimina
  9. Hey, thanks for following and all your comments. just wanted to let you know I am moving all my outfit stuff to my other blog, http://rosesandvellum.blogspot.com.au/ cause two blogs is getting a bit confusing. I'd love if you followe me there. thanks!

    RispondiElimina